The Marvels of Montreux
We pride ourselves on finding some hidden gems on this trip, visiting locations that might be off the beaten track or at least avoiding the big tourist traps where possible. Saint Saphorin, a little known wine region in Switzerland on the shores of Lake Geneva, certainly fits the bill. It's a lovely medieval village, many of it’s streets so small cars aren’t allowed. That also means there are not many places to stay, which is why we were staying on the Montreux Riviera, about 20 minutes away, a place which we knew absolutely nothing. We were in for a treat.
Montreux is a surprisingly busy place, with all the hustle and bustle you might expect from a large resort town. It sits right on the lake front and stares up at the mighty Alps on the opposite side of the lake. As views go, it’s very hard to beat. Here's some quick facts about Montreux: it was mentioned in Hemmingway’s A Farewell to Arms; the famous Deep Purple song 'Smoke on the Water' was written about Montreux (a Frank Zappa fan with a flare gun burnt down the Montreux Casino which inspired the song); the rock band Queen used to own a recording studio here called Mountain Studios and the town still has a Freddie Mercury memorial weekend every year. And it’s home to a very famous international jazz festival. Maybe you knew all this, we certainly didn’t (note to self, really should do more research).
In any case, Montreux was utterly charming. Our Airbnb had the most outstanding view of the lake and the Alps and we spent many an hour staring out at the breathtaking view. The only down side was the pet rabbits in a hutch at the side of the house. Naturally, the WonderDog made a beeline for the poor little fluffers so we built up a defence wall with whatever we could find to stop her getting round there. Not one to be beaten, she quite happily hopped over the fence into the neighbours yard when we weren’t looking and came down the front driveway to give them a good sniff. Honestly, this dog and her animal "friends." Not to be outdone, the neighbour's dog decided to get in on the action when I was sitting in the garden a little later, and sauntered on over for a scratch behind the ears and a sniff of the WonderDog. Me Casa Su Casa I guess, or whatever the Swiss call it.
Shadow also took it upon herself to protect us from the terror of the robot grass mower. Have you seen these little things? They basically cruise around your garden, quietly mowing your lawn for hours on end, stopping and turning when they bump into something, then off they go again. They are pretty cute if you ask me. The poor thing was quietly minding it’s own business when Shadow caught sight of it and went charging over there, barking like The Terminator just strolled into the garden. And she was even more indignant when it just went about it’s business with nary a flinch at her carry on. Which got me thinking later that night, as the poor robot was out there endlessly mowing back and forth in the pouring rain eyed suspiciously by Shadow from the other side of the window.
Me: “I feel sorry for him, is that weird?”
Mr T: “Who?”
Me: “The robomower, out there in the rain.”
Mr T: “Huh?”
Me: “He’s out there slaving away in all weathers, you know? I feel a bit mean.”
Mr T: “You feel sorry for the lawn mower?”
Me: “Well…yes. He must have gone back and forth a hundred times since we got here without a break. It seems wrong. It's hard to relax when he's out there working his little wheels off.”
Mr T: <with a sigh> “It’s a robot. You can’t feel sorry for a robot.”
Me: “See this is how it happens. Robots will be doing all our crap jobs soon enough and people will be mean to them. It’s a slippery slope.”
Mr T: <with a much larger sigh> “Would you like to ask the lawnmower in for a cup of tea and a biscuit?”
Me: “You mark my words. Today it’s a mower, tomorrow it’s a robot to do your housework and then people will be mean to that one too, and then it’ll be a robot dog that people kick when they’ve had a bad day. Where does it end? Soon we’re going to have robots do everything for us and we’ll all be mean to them because you can’t feel sorry for robots apparently. Humanity is doomed.”
Mr T just did what any sensible person would do faced with such complex, philosophical questions about the future of the human race. He reached over and filled up my wine glass.
Anyway, I digress. Back to Montreux. The area has some lovely hiking trails so off we went up the mountain on a nine mile hike, part of which was along the Chemin des Narcisses, a famous trail that leads through fields of wild alpine daffodils. It being summer not spring, the narcissi has long since gone, but beautiful wild flowers had taken their place and it was a magical walk. Meadow after meadow of flowers gave way to fields of big brown and black cows with Swiss bells clanging away around their necks. I have to say I love the gentle clang of a cow bell carried by the alpine breeze, but get a herd of 15 or more together and they sound a little like pissed up bell ringers at a Christmas party trying to knock out a rendition of jingle bells when they can’t see straight! The WonderDog was both excited and completely bemused and the rest of us couldn’t stop smiling.
The Chemin des Narcisses is well signposted and clearly marked, however it was a good two miles through backcountry to get there. And when I say backcountry, I’m talking off the grid, chainsaws in the porch, questionable dentistry, foil on the windows kinda deal. Ok that might be a bit harsh, but we did meet a group of locals on the way up the hill that made my hair stand on end just a wee bit. We had taken a path less traveled and as we emerged from the undergrowth on to the regular path, we noticed a whole family, Mum and four kids, had stopped dead in the middle of the road staring at us. Our cheery “bonjour” went unanswered. And up the hill they went along side us staring all the way like we had just landed from Mars. Creepy does not begin to cover it. Aside from that, it was summer flowers, alpine forests and cow filled meadows the whole way. Despite the weather not quite co-operating and the top of the mountain being shrouded in clouds, it was an absolute gem of a hike.
The following day we decided to do a hike through the UNESCO World Heritage terraced vineyards of Lavaux. The terraces date back to 12th Century and 800 hectares of vineyards stretch all the way down to the shores of Lake Geneva. The footpath starts in Saint Saphorin and goes for miles and miles, through small villages bursting with wine bars and enotecas. In fact there are even little places to taste wine in the vineyards along the path itself. Inexplicably, most of these wine places only open Friday to Sunday and we happened to be doing the hike on a Wednesday. Even then, a lot of them don’t open until 4-5pm and it was 12pm. Who knew?
Lucky for us we did find one place open called Cafe de Riex. Somehow, we stumbled on what has to be one of the very best places to eat in the area, the food was outstanding and our host was absolutely lovely, picking wines for us to try and making us feel a little less awkward given we were scruffy and sweaty and had a the WonderDog in tow. We tried three wines, all from vineyards around the restaurant and all were pretty good. The famous grape variety of the region is the Chasselas, which is a fruity and fairly dry wine. I don’t think I’d say it was my favourite but then again we’ve been luckily enough to have some truly epic wines on this trip. But in terms of your every day wine, every wine we had was very drinkable and I’d be happy for a glass or two any time.
Suitably fortified on wine and a dish of melted cheese and sausage (light meal then!) we headed to Cully on the shore of the lake so the WonderDog could have a swim, before hiking back to Saint Saphorin. Although the path may be paved and easy to navigate, it certainly is not flat, so if you do the hike be prepared for a few rolling hills, which get harder once you’ve had a few!
Given Montreux was going to be the most bustling town we’d be at for a while, we also needed to get some chores done that we’d neglected for a while. Namely the WonderDog and I both badly needed a hair cut and one of us had a few more greys than she’d like to admit, so a hair colour was also required. After carefully picking a salon following hours of research and doing a drive by to check it looked ok, I dropped Shadow at the groomers and headed to the ‘hairstyle palace,’ which promised “prestige beauty.” God help us.
If you’re a regular reader, you may remember that time when I was trying to order soup and ended up with rabbit. Or the time I tried to order vermouth and ended up with a kiddies chocolate milk. Well, it was kind of like that. I was adamant I didn’t want my hair any shade of red and told the nice man so. No red. Like zero red. To be fair, he followed the brief. What I didn’t realize was I should have specified all the other colours I didn’t want my hair to be, because that way I wouldn't have ended up with somewhat blue hair. I was somewhat lost for words when I saw the end result and then rendered mute when said blue hair job cost almost four hundred francs. I mumbled a “merci” and staggered out the door. While I was waiting for Mr T to pick me up, I tried to catch my reflection in shop windows. Maybe it wasn’t really that blue, perhaps it was just a trick of the light. He pulled up, I got in.
Mr T: “You look nice, wow your hair looks great!.” He may have been practicing this line for a few hours. It’s hard to say.
Me: “Thanks. What colour would you say my hair is?”
Mr T: “You don’t like it? It looks great. You look great.” He’s smart, this husband of mine.
Me: “Thanks. But what colour is it though, would you say, like off the top of your head.”
Mr T: “Umm. I guess it’s a little different to what you normally get. But it looks great.” He’s looking nervous now.
Me: “Different how exactly?”
Mr T: “Hmm.”
Me: “It’s blue dude. I have blue hair.”
Mr T: “Well, ummm. I guess it’s maybe has blue-ish tinge, sure. But it looks nice, you look great!!”
He was less jovial when I told him the price of the hair cut but I haven’t had my hair done for almost seven months, so it was well overdue. In fact, it’s worth mentioning that everything, and I do mean everything, is incredibly expensive in Switzerland. Eye-wateringly so. But that’s the price you pay for the beauty of this place, consider it a fresh air tax. Shadow fared better with her haircut, she looks very cute indeed and it was “only” 110 francs so a bargain really! Maybe I should have had mine done at the groomers too. Never mind, luckily I wear a hat most of the time and ponytails are in, right?
And with that, our time in beautiful Montreux came to an end. We headed out of Switzerland and into France, and after three hours, we reached one of the destinations I’ve been most excited about on this trip - the Jura region, famous for it's cheese, wine and hiking. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself, more on that later, make sure you stay tuned!
